defining moments

i have always been one of those people who is unrealistic about growing up. about alot of other things too, but being in college makes you think about the ever-approaching day when you graduate and become an adult and have to live in the real world.

in the real world you can't swipe a card with your picture on it and get unlimited amounts of food. you can't go to a free clinic and have a wide range of health services provided to you. you can't take your broken computer to a library and have some techno-geek fix it for you. you can't cancel appointments and not go to class/work if you're sick. you don't get to live with all your friends. you don't have entertainment provided for you every weekend.

i don't want to grow up. it sounds miserable.

anyways though, i was thinking alot about what i actually want to do with my life. as evidenced by this blog, i really like science. it's kind of just something i'm interrested in, but i wasn't sure if i just though biology was really cool, or if is something i can picture investing my life in.

friday, i knew it was something i had to do. needed to do. genuinely wanted to do.

it was a fantastic moment.

i have a terrible cold right now. i'm all stuffed up and my throat kills and i sound like i've been a chain smoker for roughly 80 years. i can't breath that well with this cold, and i was dreading the endless stairs up to the microbiology lab to check on my experiments from the previous day. it should've taken no more than 20 minutes, but i ended up taking an hour and a half. not because i was procrastinating or was slow, but because i was in awe of the bacterial growth. i know its so gross, but it was really beautiful. even though i don't think i want to be a microbiologist, i left the science building friday afternoon with a sense of purpose. it was the first time in my life (well, maybe just college career...idk) that i felt like i was doing what i was meant to do.

science is my thing, and i felt so good about that.

also, last night while i was drunk (still) at 4:00 am, i aparently wrote myself a note on my whiteboard saying "study for bacty YOU DRUNK BITCH. you gotta get into dental school!"

hahaha.